the little pieces part of me

莊博安，我很想你。 你知到嗎？唉。。。。。。

posted by blueprint @ 6:34 PM 0 comments

valentine 2009

today is valentine, and im alone at home.
not tat it is a bad thing.
everywhere is crowded, overpriced, crowded, noisy, crowded....
everybody is out with their frens. some wif dates, some wif lovers.

sometimes i cant help but feel really really alone.

oh well... its 883 keeping me accompany, and i appreciated that. = )
lovely song playing now, vanessa william one of nice female singers tt i like...
save the best for last...

somehow i think its a very positive and encouraging song playing for me right now... = )
yes, i think things is good now... things develop for me to see... my path.. the direction to go..
one step at a time...

jia you ming ming!!

posted by blueprint @ 10:33 PM 0 comments

Amarantine

this year christmas is really sad for me...
feeling down, depressed, just blue...

the only christmas present i got is from big bird. it is really sweet. a watch. finally.

feeling gloomy... playing santa claus, but dont feel very appreciated. sighs... bought a new cd. yay!! enya's latest! double yay!!

listening to this song, Amarantine now... actually, it is this song that made me want to buy the cd. and when i read the lyrics, only him was in my mind. wanted to send him a text message of the lyrics, but on second thought after the last fiasco with him posting my sms on LJ, i really doubt him will appreciate the meaning of the lyrics. double sighs....

so here, i am posting it here... dedicated to him, labbit.

You know when you give your love away,
It opens your heart,
Everything is new.
And you know time will always find a way,
To let your heart believe it's true.

You know love is everything you say;
A whisper, a word,
Promises you give.
You feel it in the heartbeat of the day.
You know this is the way love is....

You know love may sometimes make you cry,
So let the tears go,
They will flow away.
For you know love will always let you fly,
How far a heart can fly....


mood: melancholy

posted by blueprint @ 6:20 PM 0 comments

... so cold it burns right through you, deep into your heart...

why?

why are you behaving this way?
why are you doing this to me?
why are you ignoring my call?
why are you not calling me back?
why are you not worried that i be worried?
why are you making me anxious?

what?

what did i do?
what wrong?
what went wrong?
what is happening here?
what is bothering you?
what causing you to behave this way?


the silence is killing me inside. it is killing the heart inside.
the heart is dying... stop killing my heart! stop ebbing its life force away!
you gave it breathe, and now you squezze the life out from it.
stop doing this!!


why are you doing this? i dont understand. how could you do this to me?
knowing well how i would feel.

posted by blueprint @ 9:37 AM 0 comments

... thought i lost a thought...

What about that sweetest whisper
What makes up your heart
that no life can be without
Love so simple and yet
unyieldingly complex

What about those feelings inside
That you just can’t seem to let go of
You know outside that bubble there’s a million more
And you want to see what’s inside theirs
Heart thump, hearth thump, bump bump, bump bump

Why am I shaking just at your thought, just at your touch
Hold me now, I don’t ask for much
But love and love is so complex
Please guide me in the right direction
Though I say I hate you, perhaps I lied
To myself and to you
Though I hate you, cause you made me cry
On the Inside and out
I still love you
Myself and you
Inside and out

If I was a little less careless
And perhaps a little less fearless
I wouldn’t be in this mess, now would I?
And then I realize what I’ve said, not to them
But to the othersI forgot that my tongue is a double edged blade
You always hurt the ones you love
But can you say you love the ones you hurt?
It hurts not to feel loved
And you love not to feel hurt
But the key ingredient for love is a little bit of hurt
And you have to learn that you’ll have to
Hurt the ones you love
Before you hurt the ones you love
More so by not hurting them

Cut after cut, day after day
It gets tiring
And suddenly you want everyone to stay away
We’re a clumsy race
Racing to be more clumsy everyday
Wars are started over trivial matters
Cause to some, nothing matters
And lives are lost
We forget that we can’t always love
And we forget that we need to love
I lost you once
And I can’t get you back
You were one of a kind
And the kindest one

We make mistakes
We are, after all, just beginning to crawl
Sometimes we don’t do what we wish we had
And now we’re paying for it
No second chances here
Until you hear a second chance
Sometimes we fail and we’re not the only ones to pay
Probably because we fail to pay attention to who’s around
Sometimes it’s not our fault
Fault belongs to someone else
We were just caught up in the middle of it
Wrong place, wrong time, wrong situation
And if you wanna be another person
That person is just around the corner, waiting for you
But we cannot be who we cannot see
For in front of us is a million choices, and on the millionth and one
We’ll make the right choice
.
.
.
.
mood : moody

posted by blueprint @ 5:49 PM 0 comments

and distinction comes clear..

it can be a bit frustrating. do i know what i want? suddenly, i find myself a center of an attention whom spurned my affections previously. not sure what to make of it at this point in time. am i a reserve? Admittedly, the attention is quite flattering and for a sucker for ego stroking such as me, this inadvertedly draws me to him like a moth to a flame. As at this point in time, my credit rating of him does not score high. Not when he has so rejected me before, and now? Am I a passing passion?

On the other hand, MCA has also rejected me, but his credit rating scores are higher as compared to EKL. Why?

Well, MCA has brought me a bit of stuff. I feel pai seh. Such a generous spirit can be a very attractive quality to me. And at some remote level, I feel indebted. ?? Does that means he is more giving and loving as a person? Can I imagine that as a quality for relationship? Is that quality real?

Something feels amiss. Is my gut feeling warning me something, or am I just a petty, self-centered demanding spoilt kid? Time reveals all things, do I have time on my side?

I keep thinking of MCA. It would seem that my heart wishes to reside with MCA. Is it because he is around? Or his empty promises? Can I hang my happiness on his words alone? EKL just appeared on the horizon. Is he a good catch? Can he be trusted with my heart?

Time, time, time…. I need more time to see which of these 2 persons are for me. Is they are not for me, please reveal them in the shortest time possible. How about ko we? I don’t think my heart has floated up to the surface from its sunken depths yet.

What is wrong with me? Nothing.

mood : pensive

posted by blueprint @ 1:55 PM 0 comments

sometimes, i feel so tired. so helpless. so trapped.
where does my path leads to? where does it go.?
what am i to do? how can i change it better?

why do i feel this way?

what better way in love than to be loved?
it is always better to receive than to give.

mood : despondent

posted by blueprint @ 1:22 PM 0 comments