and distinction comes clear..
it can be a bit frustrating. do i know what i want? suddenly, i find myself a center of an attention whom spurned my affections previously. not sure what to make of it at this point in time. am i a reserve? Admittedly, the attention is quite flattering and for a sucker for ego stroking such as me, this inadvertedly draws me to him like a moth to a flame. As at this point in time, my credit rating of him does not score high. Not when he has so rejected me before, and now? Am I a passing passion?
On the other hand, MCA has also rejected me, but his credit rating scores are higher as compared to EKL. Why?
Well, MCA has brought me a bit of stuff. I feel pai seh. Such a generous spirit can be a very attractive quality to me. And at some remote level, I feel indebted. ?? Does that means he is more giving and loving as a person? Can I imagine that as a quality for relationship? Is that quality real?
Something feels amiss. Is my gut feeling warning me something, or am I just a petty, self-centered demanding spoilt kid? Time reveals all things, do I have time on my side?
I keep thinking of MCA. It would seem that my heart wishes to reside with MCA. Is it because he is around? Or his empty promises? Can I hang my happiness on his words alone? EKL just appeared on the horizon. Is he a good catch? Can he be trusted with my heart?
Time, time, time…. I need more time to see which of these 2 persons are for me. Is they are not for me, please reveal them in the shortest time possible. How about ko we? I don’t think my heart has floated up to the surface from its sunken depths yet.
What is wrong with me? Nothing.
mood : pensive
posted by blueprint @ 1:55 PM
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